Dr. J & PhDzilla—Sunday Outbreaks 02

P. Zilla and the doctor had decided to set up a garden in the backyard of their tenement house hoping that this would calm their tenants down. After all they would be able to sit in the garden and escape the monstrous outbreaks for a bit. Our little monster was very excited and the first thing she did was sticking her significant nose into the compost ton.

“Hey do ye not need a licence to have a club?” She screamed, shaking her head as if trying to shake of flies.

“Ahhhh! Crawling! Sprawling! Scrambling! Scuttling! Creeping and grovelling, jikes!!!” The monster kept running turns around the backyard.

“Get off! Get of me!!!” Furiously shaking her head she came to a dead halt as Dr J, undaunted by death, stepped into her way.

“Calm down. What,” the question got lost somewhere on the way between his brain and mouth and the doctor started roaring with laughter.

“You have,” he pointed with his finger, “you have hahaha.”

“You have a worm hanging out of your nose! What have you done?”

P. Zilla sniffed fire angrily through her nostrils sending a well-done earthworm flying to the ground. While steam still escaped her nose she grumbled;

“There is a huge party going on in our compost doctor! Woodlice, worms, spiders, snails, slugs, bugs, centipedes and what not; are all crawling about having the time of their lives! Brrr!” The monster was shaking.

“Fantastic, this is rather fantastic!” The doctor went off to have a look at the compost. Fully immersed in his observation of compost fauna he forgot his little monster for a while.

“What, do you think they are up to?” The people from beneath asked each other.
“I hope they will not build one of their ridiculous experiments into the garden again! Do you remember the last time, when they almost blew up the house?” They shook their heads in worry.
“We should do something!” The people of beneath decided. So said, so done, they set out to plaster the whole neighbourhood with warning posters against Dr J and PhDzilla, warning them how dangerously insane the doctor and violent the monster were. They told the neighbours to shoulder arms and cast them out of the neighbourhood. The people of beneath hoped this way they would not only rid themselves of the abhorred landlords but also get the property for free.

Unaware of the storm brewing over their heads (well technically under their feet and claws), Dr J and P. Zilla continued their garden work, next to setting up beds for vegetables and flowers, they set out a garden desk and chairs, a parasol, BBQ grill and some more. They really tried hard so the tenants would overlook P. Zilla’s monstrosities and keep on paying rent.

They just put in finishing touches and the doctor gave P. Zilla a talk about the importance of the compost fauna, when they heard loud noises coming from the hallway that lead from the street straight into the garden. Before they were able to find out what this was about an angry mob armed with rakes, tennis racks and golf clubs (hardly anyone has pitchforks living in the city) stormed towards them. Someone had called ‘halt’ and the mob came to a standstill. From the back of the mass two figures emerged, with angry red faces ready to show the neighbours the dangerous experiments the doctor and the monster were up to.

When they finally emerged the people of beneath had a chance to look at the garden, taking in the peaceful scenery of beds, garden furniture and flowers. They saw nothing of what they had expected, no experiments not weird constructions and on top of it all, the doctor and the monster had installed the greatest trampoline the people of beneath ever had laid eyes on.

Wearing a super-sized straw head and a gardener’s apron P. Zilla looked rather like a figure from Sesame Street than a dangerous monster, and the doctor was known to have a kind face under any circumstances. The mob had gone very quiet and was now bashful shuffling with their feet or staring angrily at the people of beneath. The doctor as you might know by now, is a very smart man, so he tried to turn the situation around.

“What a surprise!” He shouted pretending to absolutely misunderstand the situation. He knew he could get away with it, because everyone anyway thought him to be weird, at best and eccentric at worst.

“You all came to celebrate our first garden party of the year! Welcome, welcome!!!” While he greeted the neighbours who all were just too glad to forget about the embarrassing incident and pretend that this was exact the reason they were here for. The doctor thanked the Almighty always to have enough BBQ supplies at home to feed an army—just one of the perks of living with a PhDzilla.

After P. Zilla, with the help of some neighbours, had brought out enough food, dishes and cutlery, as well as a barrel ale [yes you guessed right; one of the monsters favourites], the doctor walked over to the people of beneath who sat ashamed, with lowered heads on the rim of the most amazing trampoline.
“You know what they say about people that assume things?”
“No, what do they say?”
“Well, you should not. That is all.”
Then the doctor smiled and handed both a stein of ale.
“Shall we start anew?”
The neighbours nodded.

Two weeks later, new people had moved in. The people of beneath could not live with the shame and had quit the rental contract. This time, the monster and the doctor had chosen a couple of undergraduate students to move in with them. They had heard that undergraduate students are crazy enough and so-happy-not-to-live-at-home-anymore-for-really-cheap-rent that they would not mind a crazy monster and a weird doctor. The students thought, living with a doctor and a PhDzilla might give them home-turf advantage with their studies. Thus, it was a win-win situation

March, 2009

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